Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Birthday Ashley Lynn Primer? or Happy Thanksgiving Grumpa?

Shannon Primer is not sure; this is a moral dilemma, but I need some objective opinions.

In past years when my sisters and I worked in the hospitality industry, our families worked Holiday meals around our work schedules. That being said, most years we were all off by at least 3 pm. Fast forward a few years, none of us work in that industry now, but the oldest grandchild of my parents now works retail and this year has to work 12 pm to 6 pm. (I should state this is my oldest child Ashley). For me, my first thought was “Let’s have thanksgiving dinner at 6:15 pm.” I heard arbitrary groans and moans from family members and think “Ok, fine. Let’s compromise and have dinner at 4 and dessert at 6:30 so Ashley does not feel left out.” My Dad then objects, and says he is eating at 1:00 or 1:30 pm even if he is eating alone (we should hold him to that. Maybe he’ll cook for himself too!). I guess he has always felt holiday dinners should be early, but at 39 years old, this is the first I have heard of it.

Ashley is a good daughter/granddaughter and does not want to cause waves. She said to have it whenever GRANDMA wants to have it, but I am personally annoyed. Not only is this Thanksgiving, but Ashley’s 21st birthday, and her birthday always falls around Thanksgiving and we generally celebrate her birthday with cheesecake on Thanksgiving, and here is my dad saying she should not have dinner with us and he will only eat at 1ish!

Part of me agrees with Ash, part of me thinks my Brother In-Law just got back from war and I should maybe comply because I am truly happy and THANKFUL he is home safe and sound. Most of me, on the other hand, wants to just say nicely to my sister and my mom that the Primer’s will be eating dinner 6:15 when all of the Primer’s can be here. Honestly, what is dinner without Ashley; what is Thanksgiving without celebrating Ashley’s birthday? We, the Primer’s, have done that for almost 21 years. I hope to continue that for 21 or more years…

At what point does one go against their own dad to do what they truly think is in the best interest of their almost 21 year old daughter’s holiday and birthday? I know Ash just wants peace and quiet and does not want “GRUMPA” or grandma upset; she also does not want me causing a family scene or her causing a family feud. But where in the world of being sibling, cousin, family member or any other related person, mean your day and your time is not important? Ashley is as important as my dad to us having a family dinner. How does one chose between their parent and their child???

For me, it’s Ashley’s 21st birthday Sunday, we always celeb rate with Cheesecake after Thanksgiving dinner and it can’t be Thanksgiving Dinner or dessert without Ashley. If it’s not Thanksgiving without Ash, then I should not celebrate without her?

Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I compromise further then saying dinner at 4 and dessert at 6:30? Should I not attend dinner at my sister’s even though I know I might offend her and her husband if I don’t? What is a girl to do? My dad already put me between him and my daughter. My daughter said chose him, but ever fiber in me says chose Ashley!!!

Please tell me what to do, here or on Facebook.

UPDATE Grumpa woke up this morning and was in a better mood, dinner is 6:15 pm. Got to love Grumpa when he is not Grumpy lol.


  1. Move to Mexico!!!! or tell ur Pop this day means the world to your Daughter!!!! if he doesn't give a rats, then say thanks Pop, you just made my choice a little easier...your a big girl, do what your gonna do!!!!!!!

  2. I kind of agree. The fact that she is truly being the purpse of thanksgiving by lovingly doing whatever is best for the family ( selfless) and your dad the opposite by wanting HIS dinner at LUNCHTIME (selfish and he isn't even cooking) why should a day of thanks (and her birthday) bend to the will of the one who is not doing it for the spirit of the day because he obviously doesn't care about the family (would eat by himself) over the one who seems to really get it and heart is in the right place. You know me I don't like "tyrants" to prevail but the good guys instead. Otherwise what are we teaching either one if selfishness and bad beha ior are rewarded? Basic bahaviorism. Plus if you chose this now what of the next coming years when she and other older grandkids need the flexibility you and your sisters had with your jobs?

  3. I worked retail for nearly 10 years, as a working teenager I missed out on every holiday and my family didnt move things around to accommodate me, fast forward 15 years.... I dont spend as much time with them as I should on holidays even though I no longer work retail.... I simply dont have as much interest in doing so. Its not to say that Ashley will do the same but when you are not included year after year you lose the connection of being a part of the family celebration. I think that your child comes first and if it causes ripples then thats their problem not yours. I would reinforce to Ashley that even though she is the big 21 she is still an important part of the family, and you are right what is a holiday without all your children? HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Ashley by the way :)

  4. Here is what I would do. Prep the Primer Thanksgiving in the morning and tonight. Stop by your parents Thanksgiving lunch--ask your Mom to make it as early as possible. Then go home and have Primer Thanksgiving dinner at 6:15. Easy as cheesecake.

  5. Do both. I know a lot of people that have to do two Thanksgivings. yes, usually it is bc of divorce or bc some in-laws are very proprietary over holidays and won't or can't do a big single one. So have thanksgiving with grumpa et all. Then by 6:30 people will be hungry enough to eat dinner then eat a thanksgiving dinner then too and have your cheesecake giving/birthday