The song “Not Ready To Make Nice”, by the Dixie Chicks was introduced to me at the Green Our Vaccine Campaign on June 4th, 2008. I am an avid Country listener and had never heard the song before, but that day I think it became my theme song! It expressed every emotion I had encountered since meeting Autism.
The lyrics say so much!! I know they are a political protest about W., but they so relate to the Autism fight.
“I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round”
These lines alone say so much, no matter where we go in this battle I don’t think I will back down. I can’t! There is this cute funny adorable child who has fought like hell for 6 years who counts on me!!! He knows I don’t have time to go round and round and round, but he knows I will!!!
“It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could”
I can’t make it right; I can’t undo the damage vaccines have done to my child. All I can do now is fight for my child, and make sure no other child walks my child’s path!!
“I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over”
Let me tell you I do lie my head down every night and sleep like a baby, I know every night I fight for ever child I know with Autism.
The line “It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger” so fits the situation and our life.
Honestly in May 2009 we were at Toys R Us and I asked about a blue reusable bag and they said I had to have donated to autism to get. So I started to say no thank you, because I knew the bag was for Autism Speaks and my 9 year old said really loudly, "Autism speaks does not speak for us TACA does!". I don’t think there was a prouder moment for me, so proud of Emily!! For those of you not familiar with Autism Speaks I have other blogs that “speak on this subject”.
I don’t want my other children who do not have Autism to hate but honestly the CDC, Vaccine companies and Autism Speaks make it hard. We have 1 in 91 kids with Autism and no one wants to look at any real causes or offer real help for families. When we started this journey 6 years ago it was 1 in 150, why does no one else worry about these numbers?
When polio was 1 in 3000 it was an epidemic for the love of god we are 1:91 and no one cares!!!
I am going to close this out with my favorite line of the song,
“I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it”
I don’t like how this turned my entire life around, but I will say I like how this journey made me a better person. It honestly turned my whole world around. It made me reevaluate what I was doing and why. I was always the person fighting something, but I became the person who had something to fight for. I have a love hate relation ship with Autism. I love all the great awesome things it has done for me. I love the better person I have come; I love the people I have been blessed to meet. I know I am a better person because of Autism, I am just a selfish PITA and some days wish it was not my child and wish someone else was fighting for my kid. Then again some days Autism ” turned my whole world around, And I kind of like it,” because I have found some of the best friends in life and I really and truly most days love my life Autism and all!!
No matter what life hands you PITA up and deal with it!!! Your children depend on you, especially those with Autism!!!
Not sure what song we are talking about? Here it is…
Not Ready To Make Nice
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This blog made me cry- not tears of sadness, tears because I feel every word you wrote. I wouldn't wish this life on my daughter- but I know that we have this life for a reason. That reason being- if it hadn't happened to us, we wouldn't be a voice in this and WE ARE.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this amazing blog- great read to wake up to!!
Ditto on the crying thing. Most of the time, I am too busy fighting to feel anything, especially self pity. Instead of "why me," I've begun to realize it's more like, "why NOT me?" Even with as strong as I try to be, every so often, when it's early in the morning and I'm getting some desperately needed "me time," I sometimes crack. In my former life, I was a musician and had dreams and aspirations that wer far more diffferent than the path I currently walk. I've begun to learn as well that dreams change, and with every milestone we reach, with every inch of progress we make, I feel my heart grow a little bigger. I've also met the most incredible people on this journey, and made friends that I know I never would have met if it weren't for Autism. As long as Autism still exists, we should NEVER be ready to make nice. If enough of us get mad as hell, maybe something will be done. Until then, I at least know that I am not alone in my fight, and my PITA friends are worth their weight in gold to me!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, Shannon!
Once again you rock!!!
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